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lee2308
The Corn Snake Moderator
United Kingdom
3348 Posts |
 Posted - 24/01/2009 : 22:07:48
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My snake was very thin and sick , so I took it to the vet.
The vet took a quick look and said, Sorry, your snake
is going to die, that will be £20. I said is that all I get for £20 ?
He took the snake over to a floppy-eared rabbit, and the rabbit
pointed his ears straigt up to the ceiling ...
He took it to a Black Labrador dog, and the dog stuck out his
tongue and shook its head ...
He took it to a cat, the cat opened her eyes very wide and then
shook its head violently ...
He said, "That will be £350..... £50 for the second opinion, £75
for Lab tests and £225 for the CAT scan |
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matty18714
The Count of Corniness
United Kingdom
4428 Posts |
Posted - 25/01/2009 : 12:45:45
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lol  |
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Ell
Sub Adult
United Kingdom
1640 Posts |
Posted - 25/01/2009 : 23:42:26
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| Hahahah deary me :P |
 
1.0.0 Normal corn snake - Dusk
0.1.0 Strawberry Snow Stripe corn snake - Dawn
0.1.0 Harlequin Crested Gecko - Stickles
1.0.0 Sable Syrian Hamster - CoCo
0.1.0 Hognose snake - Truffles |
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Kehhlyr
ǝʞɐɔ sǝʌoן
United Kingdom
8173 Posts |
Posted - 21/02/2009 : 02:28:57
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I was walking along the pavement and there was this sign that said, "Pavement ahead closed. Please use other side."
It made me cross.
I was driving home from work tonight and I saw this sign which read "Roadworks ahead".
I thought to myself, "That's a relief".
I broke into an ice cream van last night.
I got away with hundreds and thousands.
A piece of gold walks into a bar.
The Barman says "AU, get out of here
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Edited by - Kehhlyr on 21/02/2009 22:51:04 |
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matty18714
The Count of Corniness
United Kingdom
4428 Posts |
Posted - 21/02/2009 : 23:05:58
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quote:
Originally posted by Kehhlyr
I was driving home from work tonight and I saw this sign which read "Roadworks ahead".
I thought to myself, "That's a relief".
Im probably gonna get some stick for this but I dont get it 
I have read it a few times over |
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Tizzy
The Corn Snake Moderator
United Kingdom
1202 Posts |
Posted - 21/02/2009 : 23:12:57
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quote:
Originally posted by matty18714
quote:
Originally posted by Kehhlyr
I was driving home from work tonight and I saw this sign which read "Roadworks ahead".
I thought to myself, "That's a relief".
Im probably gonna get some stick for this but I dont get it
I have read it a few times over
Should we explain or just laughh at Matty?
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3.2.0 corns 0.3.1 Leopard Geckos, 0.1.0 Mad Staffys 1.0.0 Moggie. 1.2.0. Devils in training.
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Blackecho
The Corn Snake Admin
United Kingdom
4379 Posts |
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Kehhlyr
ǝʞɐɔ sǝʌoן
United Kingdom
8173 Posts |
Posted - 22/02/2009 : 03:02:56
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I did actually chuckle out loud when i got sent those jokes.
Matty, we will give you stick, but not much, there was only 1 person i told it to that understood it as well.
I'm wondering how many people will understand the one about the gold.
ok, one more. For now...
I was on holiday in the States once when I saw a huge snake.
My mum said, "don't worry - he's more scared of you than you are of him".
I said, "yeah, but his mates won't take the mickey when he wets himself".
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-=Kehhlyr - The Resident Loon
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Edited by - Kehhlyr on 22/02/2009 03:10:34 |
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matty18714
The Count of Corniness
United Kingdom
4428 Posts |
Posted - 22/02/2009 : 09:43:00
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| Ahhh, I get it now . Cheers Piers |
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Tizzy
The Corn Snake Moderator
United Kingdom
1202 Posts |
Posted - 30/03/2009 : 22:32:20
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Found this and found it very amusing......
THINGS YOU LEARN WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN
There IS room to swing a cat in your lounge.
Kids shoes are just as comfortable on the wrong feet.
Extractor fans can be used to chop bananas.
The Police arrive before the Fire Brigade.
A pillow case is rubbish as a parachute.
Stray Ninja Turtle weaponry is attracted to bare feet.
Small pieces of Lego will ultimately pass through a toddlers digestive system.
In any stone throwing contest, windows always lose.
Fights do not end just because you say so.
Kitty litter turns into a swamp monster when poured down the toilet.
A ceiling fan will not spin a four year old Batman dangling from a dogs lead. |
3.2.0 corns 0.3.1 Leopard Geckos, 0.1.0 Mad Staffys 1.0.0 Moggie. 1.2.0. Devils in training.
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PunkAsF82
Yearling
United Kingdom
909 Posts |
Posted - 31/03/2009 : 00:00:56
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i get the gold one :D
how abou this..
What do you get if you cross a snake and a hotdog?
A fang-furter!
Why wouldn't the snake get himself weighed?
Because he had his own scales :P
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~~ My Zoo ~~
1.0.0 Bearded Dragon - Cooper
0.1.0 Amel corn - Lucky
0.1.0 Normal Leopard Gecko - Layla
1.1.0 Cats - Zelda the Maine Coon & Link the Ragdoll X Tabby
0.0.50 Malawi Cichlids
0.0.20 Community fish tank
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n/a
deleted
225 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2009 : 16:25:50
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Whats brown and sticky?
A stick
Whats pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff
Whats blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath |
0.0.1 Anery corn
0.1.0 German Shepherd Dog [Tauni]
1.0.0 Tawny Ocicat [Rufio] |
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Tizzy
The Corn Snake Moderator
United Kingdom
1202 Posts |
Posted - 17/04/2009 : 20:46:45
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A few Jacko jokes - because he's an easy target and i have no shame.
A little boy came home from school and said, "Dad, is God a man or a woman?"
"He is both son.....male and female," he replied.
"Is he black or white?" he asked.
"Again, he is both black and white," the father replied.
"Well, is he gay or straight then?" asked the kid.
"Again, God is both gay and straight," he said.
"Dad.....is God....Michael Jackson?"
I bought a new voice activated car stereo today. If I shout "country" it plays Dolly Parton, if I shout "rock" it plays Guns and Roses. I was driving through town the other day when some children ran out in front of me, I shouted "F*CKING KIDS!" and it played Michael Jackson.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
One is white, made of plastic and is dangerous to children, the other is a plastic bag.
What's the difference between Casper and Michael Jackson?
One is pale, creepy and scares little kids, and the other is a cartoon ghost.
Jacko's house was raided by the Drug Squad. They found some Class A in his living room, Class B in his kitchen and Class 3C in his bedroom.
Michael Jackson has just announced that he is to release a new album.
The follow-up to 'Off the Wall', 'Bad', 'Dangerous' and 'Smooth Criminal' is entitled 'Well I Did Warn You...'
What do Michael jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave little boys' bedrooms with empty sacks.
Remember that news footage a few years ago showing Michael jackson dangling a young child from a hotel balcony? Odd, because he normally just tosses them off.
How do you know when it's bedtime in Michael jackson's house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
Rolf Harris has done the art work for the Michael Jackson gigs at the 02 Arena.As a thank you Jacko will be doing Two little boys at the end of each show. |
3.2.0 corns 0.3.1 Leopard Geckos, 0.1.0 Mad Staffys 1.0.0 Moggie. 1.2.0. Devils in training.
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matty18714
The Count of Corniness
United Kingdom
4428 Posts |
Posted - 17/04/2009 : 21:06:45
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lol Tiz
quote:
Originally posted by Tizzy
What do Michael jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave little boys' bedrooms with empty sacks.
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Kehhlyr
ǝʞɐɔ sǝʌoן
United Kingdom
8173 Posts |
Posted - 18/04/2009 : 01:05:03
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Hmm, although the jokes are entertaining, I'm not sure if they are safe for this forum. If you understand what I mean.
This forum has always been everyone friendly, from kids to adults, and I'm not sure how some of those might be perceived.
You may want to check with higher powers (Lewy or Kaz).
Sorry to seem a spoilsport, but I'm thinking of others. |
-=Kehhlyr - The Resident Loon
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Kehhlyr
ǝʞɐɔ sǝʌoן
United Kingdom
8173 Posts |
Posted - 20/04/2009 : 00:07:45
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Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little dust broom!!!"
"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom........
"BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"
I'm sorry for that, but i've just been sent it, and thought it was brilliant |
-=Kehhlyr - The Resident Loon
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PunkAsF82
Yearling
United Kingdom
909 Posts |
Posted - 20/04/2009 : 07:28:08
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OK, here's an early morning political joke for you early risers:
An English MP, a Scottish Mp and an Irish Mp are all flying over to Africa in a plane laded with gifts from their countries for the poor starving third world folk.
Suddenly, the planes starts to fail. The pilot does all he can to get the plane to keep flying but to no avail, Eventually, the MP's realsie that if they throw their gifts out of the plane, they would be able to survive.
The Irish MP goes first. He throws a huge crate of whiskey out of the plane. The pilot says "Why did you choose the whiskey?" The Irisih MP replies "Well, we have plenty of it in our country."
The Scottish MP goes next. He throws a big crate of heather out of the plane, and says "Well we have plently of that left in my country."
The English MP goews last. He picks up the Scottish MP and throws him out of the plane. The Pilot and the Irish MP look horrified. The English MP sits down and says "Well we have plenty more of THOSE in our country" |
~~ My Zoo ~~
1.0.0 Bearded Dragon - Cooper
0.1.0 Amel corn - Lucky
0.1.0 Normal Leopard Gecko - Layla
1.1.0 Cats - Zelda the Maine Coon & Link the Ragdoll X Tabby
0.0.50 Malawi Cichlids
0.0.20 Community fish tank
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n/a
deleted
225 Posts |
Posted - 20/04/2009 : 16:09:06
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| LOL! |
0.0.1 Anery corn
0.1.0 German Shepherd Dog [Tauni]
1.0.0 Tawny Ocicat [Rufio] |
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Kehhlyr
ǝʞɐɔ sǝʌoן
United Kingdom
8173 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2009 : 21:35:47
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What's Round and Orange??
A blue square in disguise
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-=Kehhlyr - The Resident Loon
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matty18714
The Count of Corniness
United Kingdom
4428 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2009 : 21:37:04
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quote:
Originally posted by Kehhlyr
What's Round and Orange??
A blue square in disguise
Damn, I thought I would get that one |
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why do farts smell
