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Kellog
the nice one
United Kingdom
7308 Posts |
 Posted - 16/09/2010 : 03:57:06
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Apologies to those who dont know me as I realise there has been a MASSIVE influx of newbies since I was last on here properly a couple of months ago.
I just wanted to let those who do know me....and those few who may have missed me  ....know that I am still alive, that I am missing TCS and have severe withdrawal symptoms from not being on here....but there has been a good reason for my absence.
Unfortunately my father died in the middle of August of cancer. Before he died I was going between home and being a mum to staying with my folks and being a daughter....which left little energy for time online I am afraid.
He went to the pub on Saturday, 14th August 2010....then became so weak and I realised how fast he was deteriorating during a conversation with my mum on the Sunday morning so I turned up on their doorstep and moved in. During that night he didnt even have the strength to sit up, let alone stand, even with our help and by 5am I convinced my mum to call the MacMillan helpline. They were amazing and I cannot sing their praises enough. He was then bedbound and they arranged for a hospital bed to be brought to the house so he would be comfortable, carers came twice a day to help me look after him and a night nurse came to watch over him so mum and I could try and sleep.
Although he wasnt really with it, he would still stroke my face and give me a lovely smile each time he saw me....and call me by his nickname for me, 'beautiful' (dont laugh  ). What was strange was that he had an amazing sense of peace about him and so did I, despite the situation I was in and the things I was dealing with. By Wednesday morning he was semi-comatose and he died at 5.15am on Thursday, 19th.
When it happened it happened in the way it should have, if that makes sense (serious brain fog, unsurprisingly ). Mum and I had talked about it and she didnt want to be there when it happened, but she didnt want him to be alone....whereas I wanted to be there, for him and mum and for me. Each night I told the night nurse to get me if they needed help rather than wake mum as I dont sleep much anyway and that night it was actually a nurse from MacMillan rather than one of the other volunteer services (yes, these night nurses were all volunteers  !). She went down to make a cup of tea around 4am and I heard mum follow her down. I went to check on them and they were chatting away, which was exactly what mum needed, so I said I would look in on dad and then go back to bed. The last thing I heard mum saying to the nurse was what a strong heart my dad had and that this could go on for days....
I went up and looked in on him, turned to go and changed my mind. Many of you know my beliefs and I know that it was a 'God moment'. Instead I went and lay on their double bed which was pushed right up against his hospital bed and I just prayed for his heart to weaken and his breathing to stop. Within 10 mins it did. Mum wasnt alone when it happened, she was with the nurse....and I wasnt alone either, and that sense of peace has continued.
Since then I have spoken to one of the MacMillan nurses who came to us a few times and my own consultant, who started out as a palliative care consultant before he specialised. He asked me to repeat what happened twice so he could be sure he had the facts rights. According to them what happened is very rare. For dad to deteriorate so quickly, to be in no pain (he was not on any medication at all), not to be agitated or delusional (the cancer had moved from his bowel to his brain) and for him to go so quickly and peacefully....for me there is only one explanation, although I know others will find that hard to understand.
Its been a long 5 weeks since it has happened, with a funeral to arrange and then all my siblings coming from overseas....but now I am trying to recover physically, as this has totally exhausted me. How I managed to continue with what I did during those weeks is unbelievable (well, for me its not....it wasnt my strength but God's).
I am sorry this has turned into an essay (although some wont be surprised  )....but I wanted to explain why I havent been around and it only seemed right that I tell you all what happened....my testimony to my dad.
I am coming back ('Oh no' I hear some of you cry  !!)....just in my own time and slowly. But you cant get rid of me that easily  !!
xxx
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Kehhlyr
ǝʞɐɔ sǝʌoן
United Kingdom
8173 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 05:16:33
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grrr, I thought we had moved the forum before you re-appeared.
I shall have to find out who gave you the new address for it.
Welcome back I suppose. |
-=Kehhlyr - The Resident Loon
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mikerichards
don't say the 'M' word!
United Kingdom
2901 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 08:13:50
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| Sorry to hear about your dad, glad it was peaceful though. |
Location : Worthing, West Sussex
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gingerpony
Queen Bee
United Kingdom
10455 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 08:48:57
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i had a feeling something serious was going on, think it was something i read on FB.....
glad you're ok and coping hun *hugs* and welcome back  |
cornsnakes, ratsnakes, bullsnakes, boas and day geckos
Location:Leeds/York/Selby area |
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tinamiles
Hatchling
United Kingdom
255 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 09:03:32
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| glad to have you back kellog. you're story, although sad, is full of peace+in a way happyness. that everything worked out how it was meant to so ur dad, u and ur mum weren't alone. *hugs* and take care of yourself!! (and those nurses sound amazing!) xxx |
1.1 Cornsnake: Fluffy and Blaze
1.0 Kenyan Sand Boa: Falcor
0.1 Bearded dragon: Chilli
1.1 Cats: Jackson and Mia
1.0 Fiance: Ade :) |
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herriotfan
Fully Grown Corn
United Kingdom
5853 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 10:43:47
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| Welcome back!! |
Husband....Very Understanding!!! (Phil)
Son & Daughter (Kevin & Carol)
Granddaughter (Eva)
3.4.0 Cornsnakes Amel (Sidney) Caramel Stripe (Sultan) Amber (Cleo) Carolina (Phoebe) Anery Motley Stripe (Penny) Snow (Lily) Caramel (Holmes)
1.2.0 Royal Pythons(Peeps, Pandora & Pepsi)
1.0.0 Hognose (Hudson)
2.1.0 Dogs (Dillon, Alfie, Ellie)
0.1.0 Senegal Parrot (Peanut)
1.1.0 Bearded Dragons (Bonnie & Clyde)
1.0.0 Crested Geckos (Echo)
0.2.1 Hermanns Tortoises (Ebbie, Rosie & Twiglet)
0.1.0 Guinea Pig (Dolly-Pipsqueak)
0.1.9 Tarantulas (Poppy, Gypsy, Bumble, Insey Winsey, Sonic, Cookie, Raven, Fudge, Titch & Sox)
??? Foster animals
Location: Near Saffron Walden, Essex
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FiestaSTLou
Yearling
United Kingdom
556 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 11:24:31
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| Im a newb so have not spoken to u before on here but im so sorry for your loss but im glad it was peacefull and you had the chance to be there with him, and your mum wasnt alone either, macmillan are amazing, i have never had to use their services personally but i have friends that have and what they do is great and i have fundrasised for them before and looks like they helped you loads, an amazing charity. welcome back to the forum :) |
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crazy JJ
Fully Grown Corn
United Kingdom
2326 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 12:42:05
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welcome back hun *hugsssss* but im glad he went peacefully, am sure i read it a while ago on your facebook but im sorry for your loss but glad he went peacefully and without pain.
anyway now your back we want your essays again haha... have missed those :D ;) o and of course updated pics of the snakies and of course you will have to see my latest editions ;) :D yes i have been a rebel since last spoke to you :D
hope your ok,.. *hugs* again even though you seem to be coping ok (although that could all be a front) and welcome back :D
xx |
2.5 corns 2.0 cali kings 1.0 tange hondo milk 1.0 apricot pueblan milk 1.0 royal (overgrown slug) 0.1 tarantula 1.0 chinchilla chico, 0.1 goldfish tigger 0.0.4 minows 0.2 cats fudge and porsha and 0.3.2 tarantula’s that are my mummys
r.i.p to the lil ones that i and mummy have lost recently |
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n/a
deleted
480 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 13:13:37
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| welcome back hun, sorry to hear about ur dad. sending hugs xx |
1.0.0 Amel, Steve
WISH LIST: blue tongue skink. |
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Sta~ple
qeeun speler
United Kingdom
6129 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 13:24:25
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| Wondered where you have gone. Your very brave to be by the side of your dad when he was passing. I hope you and your mum are ok though. |
  
A very special super, duper thanks for K :3 |
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Stacii
Egg
80 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 15:02:57
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| IM a Newbie since you were here last but i just wanted to say, im sorry to hear about your dad but glad at the same time that it was peaceful and quick for him xx |
Stacii xx
Casper - Ghost corn '10
Mist - Anery Corn - '07
Cherry - Normal Corn - '10
Amber - Amel Corn - '10
Willow - Normal Royal - '09
Star - Normal het Anery corn - '11
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CSN
Hatchling
United Kingdom
205 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 16:19:39
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| welcome back kellog - sorry to hear about your dad, story did pull at my heart strings x |
0.1.0 Karma - Creamsicle
0.1.0 Precious - Royal
http://www.TCS-Chat.tk |
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Sammysnake
Yearling
United Kingdom
606 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 19:00:06
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Hey Ju, glad you're feeling well enough to slowly come back to the forum. Didn't know you're on Facebook - I've just joined. I'll look you up as it's a lot easier to keep in touch that way rather than the massive essays we keep sending to each other. I do still like the long ones too though.
Still praying for you. Please remember to look after yourself. |
08 male Carolina Corn ‘Saracen’
09 male Anery Corn ‘Twilight’
08 male Rankins Dragon ‘Keydo’ |
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lee2308
The Corn Snake Moderator
United Kingdom
3348 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 20:33:58
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| sorry to hear that,it sounds all to familier,are thoughts are with you and it will get easier with time,but might not seem that way at the moment. |
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Figs
Fully Grown Corn
United Kingdom
3319 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 20:57:51
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I was wondering where you'd gotten to
Sorry about your dad, Kellog - at least he didnt seem to suffer and wasnt alone
Welcome back; all of your corny friends here for support 
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Tiffany-x
Sub Adult
United Kingdom
1189 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 21:01:51
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Hey, so sorry to hear about your loss, you are right about macmillan. For some people being there for a last breath is important, it was for me with my grandpa, and it helped me deal with his death emotionally seeing him peaceful. Its such a difficult thing to go through, but there is light at the end of every tunnel. Good luck for the future and its good to see you back although you probably dont remember me because I think I joined right before you stopped using the forum so much. :) Dont forget that although you lost a person you gained an angel, that is the most important thing!
Tiffany-x |
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kdlang
Fully Grown Corn
United Kingdom
3556 Posts |
Posted - 16/09/2010 : 22:51:05
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Hi Judith I have really missed seeing your posts. You may laugh about them being essays but they are incredibly informative and very supportive.
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I know religion is something people don't like to discuss but I understand how much your faith has helped you to deal with your dads deterioration and ultimate passing. The peace and acceptance in your post shines through. Keeping praying for help to deal with the difficult weeks ahead and please look after yourself as much as you do the other members of your family.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers xxx |
4.1.0 corns - Izzy (Carolina) Alice (Amel) Peanut (Butter Motley) Swayze (Ghost) Carmellia (Butter Motley)
0.1.0 cat - Kizzy
1.0.0 Dog - Dobbie
Location - Chesterfield, Derbyshire
www.support-dogs.org.uk |
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Scarlett
Hatchling
United Kingdom
363 Posts |
Posted - 17/09/2010 : 00:13:00
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I'm glad to hear you're back Kellog, I had been wondering where you were hiding!
I'm sorry for your loss, but understand the situation completely as I went through the same thing with my Grandad although it was horribly slow for him, which was the worst part. I'm not sure I could've coped being by his side in his last moments, just the thought makes me upset, but I was with him, and my entire family, an hour before he did pass. So I understand what you mean about that moment of peace. Sometimes, even in our last moments, we just know when the timing is right. And for your dad it was with you by his side, and your mum with someone else, because he knew that it would make you both happy. My Grandad finally let himself go only once he had the entire family around him, and after we all left, he slept.
It's a hard time I know, but I also know that you're a strong woman and your faith always leads you true. I'm not religious, but after my Grandad passing how he did, and when he did, I have become ultimately more curious about it. I agree that MacMillan are amazing, they couldn't do much for my Grandad when he went to the hospice as he was mostly comatose, although I got one last smile out of him before he fell unconscious, and the nurses and doctors at the hospice were just so sweet. I'm not sure why but one of the memory's I'll take from that experience is of one of the doctors coming round and asking how we all were, standing at the foot of his bed and rubbing his feet. It's the small things like that that still amaze me about people.
I don't think it does get easier once you've gone through loss. It just becomes something you get used to more and more each day. I still mourn, and cry, for my loss and all the things I'll never see my Grandad and I do, but that just goes to show the love I have for him. Whether we shed tears for our loved ones, or mourn them in silence, the love is still there as it always has been.
Oh dear, I've rambled lol. I swear it's infectious! =P
Keep smiling, and all my best wishes Ju. My love's with you <3
xxx |
 
0.0.1 Amel Corn -Ember.
1.0.0 Bloodred Corn - Loki.
0.0.1 MBK - Apollo.
1.1.0 Cats - Moggy and Pretty Girl.
0.0.1 Royal Python - Odin R.I.P 20/6/10.
Wishlist = Pied Sided Bloodred, Anery Stripe, Coral Stripe, Bloodred, Green Blotched Snow,
Strawberry Snow Stripe.
Location = Chatham, Kent. |
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n/a
deleted
73 Posts |
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Kellog
the nice one
United Kingdom
7308 Posts |
Posted - 17/09/2010 : 04:39:05
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Thanks to everyone for their wonderful words of support. I am sorry my original post turned into such an essay....
quote:
Originally posted by crazy JJ
........anyway now your back we want your essays again haha... have missed those :D ;)
quote:
Originally posted by Sammysnake
........rather than the massive essays we keep sending to each other. I do still like the long ones too though.
quote:
Originally posted by kdlang
........You may laugh about them being essays........
quote:
Originally posted by Scarlett
........Oh dear, I've rambled lol. I swear it's infectious! =P
(Newbies, expect that from me )....all I meant to do was reassure you lot that I hadnt abandoned you, hadnt been upset by anyone and missed you all. But once I started typing I am afraid it all came out.
And apologies as well if my references to my faith made anyone uncomfortable....
quote:
Originally posted by kdlang
........I know religion is something people don't like to discuss but I understand how much your faith has helped you to deal with your dads deterioration and ultimate passing. The peace and acceptance in your post shines through........
Those who know me will know that I am not usually so upfront about it....but in these circumstances it played and still plays a massive part.
quote:
Originally posted by Scarlett
It's a hard time I know, but I also know that you're a strong woman and your faith always leads you true. I'm not religious, but after my Grandad passing how he did, and when he did, I have become ultimately more curious about it.
To be honest Scarlett, I dont know how I could have done what I have done physically, emotionally and mentally without my faith and my total trust in God. I am chronically ill and rightfully there is no way I should have been able to handle it, but, as I said in my original post....it wasnt my strength but God's. You are right in what you say, that at times like this if you dont have a faith you begin to look to the bigger picture in life. Your Grandad is still with you every day....the same with you Tiffany (and of course I remember you and all the fantastic research you have been doing - have you got your corn yet?)....and Lee, it sounds as though you speak from experience as many do and I greatly appreciate what you said.
quote:
Originally posted by crazy JJ
hope your ok,.. *hugs* again even though you seem to be coping ok (although that could all be a front) and welcome back :D
You know me well JJ, but yes I am really ok at the moment although I know that only time will tell (and another snake, why does that not surprise me ?!)
Thanks for all the hugs (always needed ) and the words of support and encouragement. And a special thanks to the newbies who dont know me....but soon will !
quote:
Originally posted by Kehhlyr
grrr, I thought we had moved the forum before you re-appeared.
I shall have to find out who gave you the new address for it.
Welcome back I suppose.
Kehhlyr, you know you couldnt get rid of me that easily....I would hunt you down and find you !!!!
xxx
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crazy JJ
Fully Grown Corn
United Kingdom
2326 Posts |
Posted - 17/09/2010 : 13:18:11
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quote:
You know me well JJ, but yes I am really ok at the moment although I know that only time will tell (and another snake, why does that not surprise me ?!)
oooo but of course just dont forget to look after yaself aswell though or there willll be trouble as 4 ma newbie snakie (butter motley called topaz) well it gave me the puppy dog eyes and whats was i supposed to do o and 2 more coming from donnie and yoooou will just have to get your king that you know you so o desperatly want |
2.5 corns 2.0 cali kings 1.0 tange hondo milk 1.0 apricot pueblan milk 1.0 royal (overgrown slug) 0.1 tarantula 1.0 chinchilla chico, 0.1 goldfish tigger 0.0.4 minows 0.2 cats fudge and porsha and 0.3.2 tarantula’s that are my mummys
r.i.p to the lil ones that i and mummy have lost recently |
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Have you missed me??!!
