| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| n/a |
Posted - 08/10/2009 : 12:47:04
Right I have been saving up my EMA from college and I currently have enough to buy a snake, setup and things, As most of you know i have been waiting ALONG TIME but my dad has started to make me pay board so i'm basically renting a room so if i buy a snake i don't think i am doing anything wrong as it will be going in MY room that I am paying to stay in.
HELP ME !!! LOL |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| hillzi |
Posted - 27/10/2009 : 23:34:33
Oooh, I see now. |
| Kellog |
Posted - 27/10/2009 : 22:48:18
Techno, this must be so frustrating for you. I cant begin to imagine it, especially as you have wanted it for so long and have obviously done your research so you know exactly what you are getting yourself into. Wish all new snake owners did that!
To quote Hillzi - Kellog! Thought you said we don't force opinions on people?!
We dont force opinions on to people, we just offer advice and I am trying to do that from the perspective of being both a parent and a snake lover (who is desperate to get another one but cant, so in a slightly similar position...just one snake ahead of you!). The problem is you do live with your dad, you need to get on with him and you need to earn his respect. Sammysnake put it very well....show him how responsible you are by working hard, helping out at home, being on time with money etc...and not asking about getting a snake every few days. Show him you are grown up and not his little boy anymore and he will come to respect you. Then you might be able to start dropping a few hints (subtly) and see how it goes.
If I was your parent I would let you get your snake tomorrow - as long as you paid for it all!! xxx |
| n/a |
Posted - 27/10/2009 : 22:32:24
I have wanted a snake for many years since i was 10 to be exact. Started researching at 13/14 and i'm 17 in 4 weeks soo it's not a passing phase lol
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| Sammysnake |
Posted - 27/10/2009 : 21:11:46
How long have you been talking about wanting a snake for? Sometimes we parents need time to be sure it's not just a passing phase and we're going to get left looking after the 'thing'. Like Kellog said, showing that you have fully researched all the necessary info including ongoing costs (Dads in particular can be very practical I've found) might really help him to see you are maturing and willing and able to take responsibility for your animal.
A few months of working, doing well at college and paying towards your financial support will really help him to see you are not so little anymore and can be trusted with things. I appreciate it must be VERY frustrating but you've been his child for a very long time and it takes a while for a parent to get their head around the fact that things have changed.
I really would counsel against using the - 'I'm paying for this room so I can do what I like' line. I see paying 'keep' to parents as a sign of respect and a stepping stone to full independence but it is usually not the same as fully paying your own way in the world. If you had to pay the full cost of private rent I doubt you would be able to feed yourself whilst at college and working part time, let alone a snake too. Your Dad is enabling you to do at least the first part of this.
I really hope your Dad does come around soon. I always wanted a dog but was never allowed one. I no longer have a Dad to try to convince but I now have a husband who would never say yes to a dog either! Thankfully reptiles are MUCH better and he seems really keen on them - particularly snakes (Yay for me ).
Good luck |
| n/a |
Posted - 27/10/2009 : 20:17:55
I'd echo everyone else's comments of just talking to him calmly. My main experience of persuading parents was convincing them to let me get piercings, and the "my body" rule (similar to the "my room" argument) has a very limited life span, far better is proving that you know what you're getting into and are willing to accept all responsibilities. The idea of looking after a friend's snake for a while sounds like a fantastic suggestion to me.
At the end of the day though sometimes you just have to wait  it sucks I know, but it took me till I was 15 to be allowed the rats I wanted for years (mum doesn't like rodents with long tails cos the tails make her think of snakes) and at 20 still don't have a snake!
There are some things that parents just won't budge on 
Own house now though, I will have one soon!
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| hillzi |
Posted - 27/10/2009 : 20:04:55
quote:
Originally posted by Kellog
Dont follow Karl's advice
Kellog!  Thought you said we don't force opinions on people?!
I agree its not the subtlest way of going about a snake. I can't really say I had a battle, I was booted to get a snake LOL.
Step Mum said: "Your sisters getting a pet, why don't you look and see what you want?"
Me fifteen minutes later: "Is a snake okay?"
Step Mum: "Sure tom  "
Love understanding parents.  |
| Kellog |
Posted - 13/10/2009 : 02:48:05
Dont follow Karl's advice about just going ahead and getting one. Sounds like your relationship with your dad is tough enough without antagonising him. You need to try and work round him. Can you get your mum on your side, get her advice about his problem with you getting a snake? xxx |
| Karl |
Posted - 12/10/2009 : 22:23:14
Bah, buy viv, put new snake in viv, don't tell Dad, problem solved.
Wife only just noticed I have 5 snakes the other day, she thought I had 3 lol.
Either that or do what I did, at 18 I moved out into my own flat, my flat my rules, and for some months one was a no parents rule ;) |
| n/a |
Posted - 11/10/2009 : 15:13:15
ye 2 of my mates have snakes,
Not had a moment to ask him at the moment cos he's been at work,
He has held snakes and he's fine with them so i don't know what the reasons he has for not allowing me to have one =[ |
| Kehhlyr |
Posted - 10/10/2009 : 05:25:45
There is a perfectly acceptable and valid reason for asking about friends with snakes.
It's not that hard to 'look after' a friends pet when they go away for a week or 2.
When your mate has taken the snake back, it also gives a small amount of time for parents to reflect on 'it wasn't actually that bad' and the 'I don't like them, but they are nice if I don't have to touch them' scenario that most parents get.
My dad was born and bred in India, so his opinion of a snake in the house was MUCH different to mine, yet he wouldn't allow it at first. It was only when I looked after a mates snake for a week that he caved in shortly afterwards.
Don't get me wrong, it was still a small battle, but I got one in the end.
Have you tried to drag him into a rep shop yet? If you let him know that you just want to look at them, nothing more then he may go with you. And visiting a rep shop is the worst thing you can do, because you ALWAYS end up walking out wanting more than when you went in.
Or have quick hunt about in local rep shops for Collared Lizards, and take your mum first. For some reason when women find out these things don't grow much bigger than 4 inches (nose to vent) max they always find them 'cuter'.
That is the key point. Get mum to notice how cute they are, then dad to think about how it wasn't that bad when you had your mates one for a week when he 'was on holiday', then you'll end up getting your snake.
Either that or just randomly ask how they'll feel about being grandparents in about '3'months. If they hit the roof, you'll be able to get the snake. If they're excited then I deny all knowledge of this post and you're on you own. |
| Kellog |
Posted - 10/10/2009 : 04:02:12
Is he scared of snakes? Would he react the same if you suggested another sort of pet? xxx |
| SexyBear77 |
Posted - 09/10/2009 : 23:12:01
quote:
Originally posted by Kehhlyr
quote:
Originally posted by SexyBear77
...The other day I asked him if I could buy a 3 foot x 2 foot box for my room. He didnt seem to mind. I then went on to ask what the difference was between that box having say, clothes in it, and the box having a snake in it. He went nuts.
I used that with the missus in regards the purchase of a viv stack.
We had a Viv on top of an old unit, I wanted another viv. What difference is it if it's a viv, or a unit?
If something is gonna take up the same space, then does it matter, o long as the peron wanting it is completely responsible for it's welfare.
As Brookestar said, talking to him as an equal is sometimes better.
Do you know anyone that has a snake that lives close to you?
my Dad aint an equal, when I mention a new snake he turns into a big angry gorilla- its terrifying. Its like hes a kid and I'm the adult- he shouts and screams and I talk normally.  |
| Kehhlyr |
Posted - 09/10/2009 : 23:07:44
quote:
Originally posted by SexyBear77
...The other day I asked him if I could buy a 3 foot x 2 foot box for my room. He didnt seem to mind. I then went on to ask what the difference was between that box having say, clothes in it, and the box having a snake in it. He went nuts.
I used that with the missus in regards the purchase of a viv stack.
We had a Viv on top of an old unit, I wanted another viv. What difference is it if it's a viv, or a unit?
If something is gonna take up the same space, then does it matter, o long as the peron wanting it is completely responsible for it's welfare.
As Brookestar said, talking to him as an equal is sometimes better.
Do you know anyone that has a snake that lives close to you? |
| SexyBear77 |
Posted - 09/10/2009 : 22:56:46
ha ha, I am very sneaky... |
| Kellog |
Posted - 09/10/2009 : 22:41:59
SB - that was sneaky of you...no wonder your dad hit the roof!
TechnoMacleod - try showing your dad how much research you have done into this, that you understand the responsibility you are taking on and that you can handle it financially. Almost like setting out a business plan. Then ask him, calmly, what his reasons for saying no are and again, calmly, try and answer them. But I do hate to say it...at the end of the day, although you are paying rent, you are still under his roof and you need to respect that. I speak as a parent and as a snake lover.
xxx |
| SexyBear77 |
Posted - 09/10/2009 : 12:03:54
good luck, I'm 21 and my dad point blank refuses to let me have another snake- and when I ask him why, he says "because I said so." INFURIATING.
The other day I asked him if I could buy a 3 foot x 2 foot box for my room. He didnt seem to mind. I then went on to ask what the difference was between that box having say, clothes in it, and the box having a snake in it. He went nuts. |
| HannahB |
Posted - 08/10/2009 : 22:17:52
got my fingers crossed for you.. im starting to pay board in january so will definately be using the 'im paying you for this room so i will put what ever pets i want in it' rule a lot!!  |
| n/a |
Posted - 08/10/2009 : 21:32:42
hope it goes well for my dad was the same |
| inkiepixie |
Posted - 08/10/2009 : 20:45:36
quote:
Originally posted by Hawkeye
This phrase still annoys me even though I'm realllly far from my teen years.
It's great when you can say it to your own parents though |
| Brookestar |
Posted - 08/10/2009 : 17:23:09
just speak to your dad as an adult. i know it sounds daft but if you kick off anout it it just makes things worse. if you speak your mind without losing it im sure you will be succesful |
